Stories

Thought I would share some more specific stories. For the sake of confidentiality, some of the below information can be considered a composite of more than one patient. How's that for a disclaimer?

Let's talk about "John." John was born to a mom/dad (although it's usually only the parent who is raising them who does this) who had some serious mental illness issues of her/his own. Mom/Dad continuously told him they wished he had never been born. Nothing he did was ever good enough. This changed when he hit puberty. Then the parent realized that he could be valuable to them. They would sexually abuse him in front of their friends (entertainment value?) and then let the friends do the same. The only time they ever praised him was during this abuse. He grew up thinking the only value he was to them (or anyone?) was sex based. He feels soiled and ashamed. Who can he tell? Everything hurts so much, he begins to drink and use whatever drugs he can find. Sometime during this period, he also begins to hear voices. Guess what? The voices are degrading too. Hello Schizoaffective Disorder/Schizophrenia/Schizotypal Personality Disorder (take your pick). More illegal drugs to drown out the voices. A life of crime (centered around getting more drugs) ensues.

Don't get me wrong here -- I never say that people can excuse their illegal drug use or criminal activities just because they had a bad childhood. That one doesn't work with me. But we have to admit, it doesn't make things any easier to do the right thing.

So the guy's in prison and not for the first time. The psychotropic drugs help with the voices/depression/visual hallucinations/hell that is mental illness, but they certainly don't make him normal. And through it all, he continues to ask himself, why didn't my mom/dad love me? What did I do wrong?

So even in prison, he self-mutilates. Releases the pressure of all the questions. He puts up with other prisoners asking questions about his self-inflicted scars. Make fun of him when they hear him talking back to the voices. Give him a hard time when he tries to get out of his cell to take his psyc meds. This in addition to the guards who point him out as a psyc patient and may deliberately prevent him from going to his psyc appt or getting the meds he needs to be close to normal -- just because they can.

Sometimes it seems like these folks never had a fighting chance. You just want to go back in time and help the child. Trying to heal the broken adult is an up-hill battle. Still, because they keep trying to heal, we keep trying to help them.