Sunday, April 13, 2008
Hopes and Doubts
I've been busy raising Luke. He's SO active and talking and full of curiosity. I'm teaching him and watching him grow and wonder. I wonder...if I'm up to this...how will I ever give him the space to grow when all I want to do is hold him close and protect him? Once you've lost a child, well, you've lost a child. And you never ever want anything to happen to another child. I examine him every day when I pick him up from daycare. "What is this little mark here on his cheek?" I ask his teacher. She tells me he got it playing with the other toddlers. I'll say, "How can we make sure these kids don't get hurt? Are there too many of them together?" When what I really want to say is, "Take better care of my child! I'd better not see one little scratch or bruise on him or else!" When he was coming home with bite marks on his arm a few months ago (twice), I demanded to know which child was biting. The director says she can't tell me. So I look at the bite marks on his arm and casually check the teeth of the other toddlers when they smile. I never found the culprit and have no idea what I would have done anyway. And then I received an incident report one day that Luke had bitten another child. So I think that now he's been taught to bite and he'll be a Biter (with a capital B) and why did he have to bite? Was he protecting himself from the first biter? From something else? But he doesn't bite again and also comes home with arms free of bite marks. And I know that kids play and fall down and even sometimes bite each other. All part of growing up. But there's a part of me that just wants to make sure that his little body stays pristine. No bruises, no scrapes, nothing unhealthy inside or out. I wish I knew how to do this. How to love and protect him but not be such a freak about it.
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2 comments:
The biting phase is tough. Skip had a short phase where he did it and they both bit when teething, sometimes my nipples. I remember being very firm and that the phase didn't last long. With daycare where others are biting it is a whole different thing unfortunately. Wanting to protect them from any pain or scars is normal of course. Luckily, boys think that scars are cool! Strangely enough Skip and Mia, both around 3 years old, fell and had to have stitches on the outside edge of one eye. I remember greiving that perfect face that would never be the same. But now they think it is so awesome that they both have a scar in the same place. Both mine had chicken pox too and I worried about all those scars......from the perspective of many years later I see that none of those scars are visible except for the ones I carry in my memory. It is only normal to be overly protective of a child who was abused in utero, Cheryl. The power of intention is very strong so I would suggest that you use an affirmation that fits the situation each day....that no hurt inside his body or outside will happen and release it to the Universe.
Marcia
It's tough to realize and especially accept what's out of your control when your emotions are so strong. I like Marcia's suggestion.
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