Updates

Since I last wrote about baby Luke, he has been hospitalized as inpatient last weekend, has undergone ultrasounds, more x-rays, and a barium enema. Been outpatient once again and seen his pediatrician once more, too. Still no explanation for his tummy pain. He is on a 100% dairy-free diet and using stool softeners twice a day. But here's the miracle of miracles: no more stomachaches in 1 week now! I guess we'll keep the appt with the pediatric gastroenterologist as a just in case and maybe he/she can shed some light on things. But I'm just so relieved the poor baby has not been in pain this week.

An update on prison - well, last month I got urine thrown in my face by an offender. I'll tell the long story later but here's the update on that: now prison security is requiring that I and other medical/mental health staff wear flak jackets when we go on medium or high security cell blocks. I could see if they were requiring face shields but the jackets? So in case you guys don't know what those are, it's a heavy jacket that looks sort of like a life vest. It's not bullet proof but is supposed to keep a shank from going in. Except that the underarms and neck areas are exposed So I guess it keeps a shank from going in to my chest area or between my ribs. I don't feel any safer, just more cumbersome. Ah well, as the signs there say, "security is never convenient."

I've got quite a few things done on my to-do list but somehow it never seems to get any shorter. More things keep getting added and it wouldn't be so bad if there weren't time constraints on them. I'm doing the best I can, though, and have to refrain from panicking. Sometimes I look at couples and think how nice it would be to have two people to do the things that are required to run a home and family. I know that's not the reason to be a couple and I also know what obligations come with a relationship. Still, I wonder if I'll ever be part of a couple again. And I wonder if I'll ever be willing to pay the price. Until then, it's me and Luke. And a grandchild here or there.

Today, my 5-year-old grandson had his birthday party. It was one of those elaborate pizza/game/indoor go-cart deals. I kept thinking that his mom would be so proud of him. I know she is still but there's always this huge gaping hole in any room when we're together as a family. Her vibrant, fun little self always added so much to any occasion. There are so many "firsts" to get through when grieving. The first Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, children's birthdays, Valentine's Day...and then more to come. Rachel and I always had such fun with planning, decorating and baking for holidays. I am doing the best I can to keep the traditions going myself. I wonder if the second time around things will get any easier. She's been gone 6 months today.